I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
