I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
