made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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