My balls are so social today.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
