apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
