"it" just moved
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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