were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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