Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize