i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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