he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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