we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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