cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
