If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
