I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
