it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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