I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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