at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
