it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize