I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
