So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
