You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
