the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
