Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
