i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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