my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
