party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
