just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I FOUND THE LEGS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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