have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
