So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
