So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
