If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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