Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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