he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize