'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
