Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
