I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize