She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
