it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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