My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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