"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
