i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize