after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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