what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
