There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
