maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
