K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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