I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
