we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
