he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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