o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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