Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
