you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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