I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize