Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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