Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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