i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
