I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
