Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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