you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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