i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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