I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
