one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
