I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize