i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
