i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
