Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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