just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
