I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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