And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
