You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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