No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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