i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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