these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
