I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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