If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
