i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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