I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
