I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
