Just cropdusted the office
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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