You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
