ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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