dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
