I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
