the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
