Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
