Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
