You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
