in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
