I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
