so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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