When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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