so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
