i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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