we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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